Monday, 19 December 2016

STEPS TAKEN TO FAILURE, GLORY AND GRACE



           Everything starts from somewhere, including ourselves. Where and when we were born, how we were brought up, the things we've learned and pickup, the things we've done and regretted, and even the paths that we've chosen or has been laid down for us. Regardless of everything, it starts from somewhere, when we decide to do something beyond our capabilities, or to enter territories that are unknown to us only to find out that that is where we belong. As I wrote this, I began thinking about the many things I’ve gone through in my life up till now. Though not many, it has led me to believe that I’ve gone through a sufficient amount of challenges to bring forth this topic. The 3 major steps I’ve taken through the course of my life are the steps of failure, glory and grace. 


          I shall start with failure and I shall start with this because not all of us have a good start; I for one am such a person. The climbing of these stairs are very uneven. My story begins where I was born into a family of five; my parents were struggling to raise me and my brothers up when we were little because they were financially tight. We lived a simple life, one where I was rather contempt with as a child. Toys were a thing back then and my parents would never fail to give me at least one or two a year. However when I was around the age of two years, I was on the verge dying, like literally, because I caught a really bad fever that almost took my life away because as a baby, my immunity systems have not been completely developed. My paternal grandmother took care of me when I was at this stage of sickness, and it had cost her life. My family had just lost my aunt, my dad’s youngest sister, and it had a really great impact towards my grandmother who did her utmost best to nurse my aunt back to health, but somehow, my aunt did not make it. My grandmother’s health was affected by this incident as well, and she had to also nurse me back to health in her already worse state. I cannot describe her love and affection to me as I barely knew her, but I’m here, alive and breathing because of what she has done. It sometimes pains me to think that she had sacrificed her life to save mine and it’s a guilt I try to remember as I strive to be a better person each day. 


         When I started education at a young age, as I said my parents were financially tight at first and they had to cater the two of my brothers and me, so I never officially graduated from kindergarten, instead I jumped right into standard one around 6 years old, but due to the lack of knowledge I had as a kid, I restarted standard one the next year, where I met all sorts of different kids with different backgrounds. As I progressed through out primary school, things felt unbearable at times, I get frustrated with the fact that I could not perform as good as some of my friends were doing , and I even failed to maintain my status as a first class student. I’m not saying that first class is everything, but it meant something back then. There were also bad influences that took over and a shear amount of distractions, none of which I would like to recall. The major thing that influenced me was my interest to draw, because smartphones were non-existent. When I entered secondary school, I told myself that I’d do my best to make my parents proud, unfortunately I was a lazy bag who didn’t focus in class and my first few years in secondary school were the worst, grade wise. With the exception in the year 2010 when I was form 3, it was then I started to realise nothing comes easy and that I had to give it my all for this year to make up for my past failures, and true enough, with enough effort and tears, i passed my second major examination (PMR) with flying colours. Never had I felt the joy of hearing my name being announced to everyone and going on to the stage to get my certificate. That success however, was short-lived, the real challenge started after that in form 4 and form 5, and my previous success had led me to my downfall. I took form 4 and 5 for granted and the third and most important examination in my life (SPM) was a disappointment. That failure had struck down so hard that I didn’t know what to do afterwards, I was lost. 


          That form of failure got worse when I entered form 6, and I dropped form 6 after my first semester there because I couldn’t take the work load. As pathetic as it seems to drop form 6, it’s no joke, it really is tough, but the experience I gain through it was one I treasure and I admit it had formed a part of my personality up till today. At times I would even consider myself to be a total disgrace to my family, because I didn’t not perform as what they had expected me to do, and which is something I have scorn myself of. As a Christian as well, these failures had thought me that God has always something better install for me. Through all these failures, my parents decided to send me to Multimedia University to pursue law, which at first sounded quite tough because I didn’t have the slightest clue about what I was getting myself in to, but here I am, writing these stories to you. The time I’ve spent here were also full of colour, some were good, some were sad, some were bad, but through grace, I’m still here working through to get past the pillars that are preventing me from achieving. It’s an obstacle course that has been set out for each of us to take part, a place where we’ll collide with people, fall down, get up, and push forward. Mine has been a bumpy one, one where I had many failures, but those had led me to glory and most importantly, by grace, I am where I am right now. I really do hope to be of some form of encouragement to you all, though some of you might’ve gone through worse, at least you know now that you’re not alone.

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